Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
