If that was your dad, he is hot
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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