Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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