drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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