he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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