I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize