His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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