we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.