I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!