DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis