I just made out with a guy for $7.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.