Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination