accomplished twins. life is a go
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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