i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
