hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
