420 ftw
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
