Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
