I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
