I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
