i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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