and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
