they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
