I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
