He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
