it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
