first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
