I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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