In the future we'll all be gay
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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