4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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