Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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