Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
