Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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