if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
