I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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