Are we in a gay sports bar?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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