you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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