I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
