16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
