This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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