she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
