mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
