i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
