i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
