This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
