Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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