i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
