I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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