when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
