Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
