i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize