dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
