check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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