The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
