hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
