and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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