My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
