How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
