Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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