The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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