at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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