Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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