i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
