My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
