Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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