Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.