Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand