I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
