The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
