I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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